End of an Era: part 1-Domino's

Tuesday was my last day of work. I've worked at Domino's for over two years now, and that's a long time in the pizza business. A lot of our employees are in school, which means that they move away or stop being in school and leave the store. Our managers also have to move around a lot, which results in a staff that seems to completely overhaul every couple of months. I've been there for three managers, a whole host of assistant managers, more insiders than I can count, and some drivers whose names I never even learned. I started with answering phones, folding boxes, putting up labels, and helping carryout customers. Eventually I moved along from that to the makeline, and then I learned how to work the ovens. I was doing everything that could be done inside the store. I made pizzas that many of you have probably received. What I didn't expect to make was friends. Of course, I knew that I would enjoy the people there, I specifically started working there because one of the employees was my friend, but I never expected to care so much. They were only supposed to be acquaintances. For some of them, that's all they were. There were people that I got along with, but once they left, they hardly crossed my mind. Some of them, however, I still miss. Making pizzas with someone can really be a bonding experience.
Domino's is one of the most fun places I've ever been. With certain people, I was excited to go to work. Being there felt like we were all just hanging out, not doing our jobs. It was like a game to make the pizza in under two minutes, it was fun to all sing and talk together while we did it. Of course it was hard sometimes, and everyone has days where they absolutely do not want to go to work.
But overall, through the two years I was there, I loved it. I'm going to miss it more than I ever could have predicted when I walked in and asked for an application.
While working there, I learned a lot of skills that I am unlikely to ever use again. I know how to slap out a pizza and make it to Domino's standards, and I have an extensive knowledge of the Domino's menu. I did also learn a lot of things that will translate to future jobs, such as customer service and responsibility in the workplace and all of those lovely things. Most importantly, though, I learned about friendship. All through school, I've been friends with people my age. That's how it works at school, you get maybe a few years difference, but for the most part you're only with people that are your age. At Domino's we have a wide variety of ages, and it doesn't matter how old you are. It matters how good you are at your job and how much fun it is to work with you. Age doesn't matter in friendships. That's something I've learned is completely true, and I'll always remember that.
My closest friend from Domino's told me on our last day together not to say goodbye. At first I was offended, because our friendship had come to mean a lot to me. But then he said something along the lines of "no five second goodbye is going to really do our friendship justice." It's true, the small goodbye we would have gotten would not have felt big enough for how close we've gotten. So I didn't say goodbye, I just left. Hopefully that means that it's not over, that we're still friends without the store.
I don't want to say goodbye to all of those people, and I hope I don't have to. I hope I can see all of them again, and keep in touch with at least some of them. Even those who left my store before I did, I hope I can see them again.
This has been the end of an era for me, one I always knew would end, but I never expected to be sad about it. In a way, I think that's a good thing. Because if I miss it, that means it was a good thing for me. It means that it made me happy.

Committing to College

Last week, I sent in my $300 deposit and my housing preferences to Lewis and Clark College. This week, I sent cards to the other schools who accepted me, letting them know that I would be attending Lewis and Clark. (That's something you have to do for small schools, but not most big ones)  Today, I wrote on the facebook event College Map so that it would be in my school's newspaper that I am going to Lewis and Clark.
So it's official. That's where I'm going. I know that I'm by far not the first person to go through this and I won't be the last. Yet I still feel the need to talk about it. It's exciting. It's a big part of my life, it's a big part of anyone's life. I'm 18, and now I know where I am going to spend the next four years. It was my choice to go there. That's such a strange feeling.
It doesn't quite feel real. When I was younger, I looked up to high school seniors, they seemed so big and mature and like they knew what they were doing. Now I know the truth. We're all normal human sized, only mature on occasion, and we rarely know what we are doing. We're teenagers.
Lately I've been figuring out who I am, and that included figuring out where this new me would fit. Which college should I pick? At first it seemed like a daunting decision, but then I realized where my heart was. It was at Lewis and Clark.
Once I made that decision, a whole world of thought came crashing into me. All of a sudden, this was real. I'm going to college. I'm also leaving a whole world behind. When you commit to a school, that seems to be the next thing we all think about. As we get excited about what we're moving on to, it's hard not to take a look at what we're moving on from.
I'll always be close with my family. I'm going to be an hour and a half away from one of my brothers. I know that I'll never leave them behind. I won't get a new family.
However, I will get new friends. I won't hold on to all my high school friends, I know that from the people I've already seen go to college. I'm going to have to say goodbye to all of my friends here, to my school, to my theater, to improv, to work. My entire life that I've built here, all of the things I've done and people I've known...in a few months, I will be gone from it. It'll all still be here, but I won't be a part of it. Starting over completely can sound really good, but it can also be really sad.
I guess what I'm saying is that I'm really excited to go to college, but I'm sad to leave this behind me.
Starting a new chapter requires finishing the last one. As an avid reader of books, I know this quite well. So I'll finish this chapter. I don't want to skim it or skip to the good parts of college, I want to experience my last months as a high school senior to the fullest. I want to be ready to say goodbye.

“Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody.” 
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Test Anxiety

As my school quickly approaches finals week, the tests are rolling in. Some classes spend a lot of time reviewing. If you're lucky, you've got one of those classes. Unfortunately, you also have five others. Most of us are dealing with AP classes, which decide that the chapter test must be taken this week, right before the final. Of course we also have to write that essay before the final, too. And also that project is due this week.
Welcome to the end of the semester, where the lower the grade, the higher the anxiety. Everyone is studying like crazy or at least freaking out, trying to calculate the exact grade they need on the final to get whatever grade it is they want in the class.
How is this helpful? How is any of this good for us? In life, of course there are deadlines. Of course there are times when we really need to bring our A game. But I find it very hard to believe that all of the things in our life are going to have those times all during the same week. Of course, that's how it is in college, and finals in college mean even more than they do in high school. So we're preparing for college. What about experiencing high school? All my life I've heard teachers say they're preparing us for the next level, so much so that sometimes I wonder if we're ever in the correct level at all. We're children. We're told that we're not mature enough for a lot of things, yet we're given these high stress situations and expected to act completely normal. We're expected to just get through it.
Many people have test anxiety, where they freak out before or during every test. Finals week is particularly hard for those people, who are now experiencing high levels of stress practically nonstop.
This post is for those people. For anyone freaking out about tests and grades and finals and projects and essays: it will be okay. Your life does not rest on your transcript. That doesn't mean you shouldn't study, but it does mean that you shouldn't kill yourself doing it. On this three day weekend of ours, don't hole yourself up with textbooks. Take breaks, eat some ice cream. Remember that we're all going through this, and that it will be over.
There's a lot wrong with out society, and I think how we treat students is part of it. We are required to go to school. We're told that what we do now is going to define the rest of our lives. Everything we hope to accomplish rests on this test. How is that supposed to make us feel? It's supposed to motivate us, but I think for most people it just ends up being really scary.
Test anxiety is real, and it's here, and you will get through it.

“I promise you nothing is as chaotic as it seems. Nothing is worth diminishing your health. Nothing is worth poisoning yourself into stress, anxiety, and fear.” 
― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

Not Giving a F***

It's a common mentality to "not give a f***". And I put asterisks there because I don't know who's reading this, but it's always best to stay clean. Still, that's the phrase we use. People have decided that they don't care. That nothing is going to get to them and they're going to say "screw it" to the world. A lot of people I know have this mentality, and I understand where it's coming from, but I don't think they know where it's going.
People think this way a lot of the time because they've been hurt. They've been insulted or told they were bad or wrong too many times. They've been heartbroken, and that pain is worse than what they expected. This emotional pain is too much. So they decide to stop it. They don't care what people think about them, so they can't be hurt by it. They don't care what people expect of them, so they can't disappoint them. They don't care if someone doesn't like them, they don't care what happens. They give up on giving a damn. The problem with this is that no one can truly stop caring. They're always going to care, now they're just pushing it all down.
My main issue with this way of thinking is that people seem to think that it means they get to be rude. Nothing, absolutely nothing, gives someone the right to be rude. There is no purpose to being mean. If they don't care what people think, then they're going to be brutally honest. They're going to laugh things off even if it hurts inside, expecting everyone else to do the same. Not caring if everyone dislikes them.
How is that any way to live? Knowing that you're hurting others? Possibly driving them to the point where they don't want to care anymore? That's just sad.
Where it gets even worse is that these people really need love. Everyone does, but these people question why they don't have it. Everyone deserves to be happy. They've stopped caring, so why aren't they happy?
The simple truth is this: if you don't care about people's feelings, you can't expect them to have feelings for you.
If you constantly go on and on about how you don't care what other people think of you, you cannot turn around and complain that that boy or girl does not like you back. People give back what they get. If they're getting no caring from a person, they will stop caring for that person. I wish people would understand that "not giving a f***" is simply ruining their relationships with people.

I understand that their pain is real. I understand that they want to turn it all off. But I also understand that by doing that, they're shutting out the people who do care about them. The people that care. So the next time you tell someone you don't give a f***, think about them. Do you care about them? If so, you may want to think twice about telling them to their face that you don't. The more you tell people you don't care, the more they believe you. And the less they care about you.

“The closest thing to being cared for is to care for someone else.” 
― Carson McCullers, The Square Root of Wonderful

so maybe if we all cared a little bit more about other people, we'd get that happiness we all deserve.

Words

Last saturday night, I went to a Best buddies event. Best buddies creates friendships between students with and without disabilities. After the event I drove my brothers friend home, and-being a 17 year old driver-I didn't have enough gas to get home. So I went to the gas station. As I was getting my $20 worth of gas at 11pm in my fancy dress that I was wearing for the event, a big white car pulled up. They were at the pump across from me, but no one got out. They rolled down the windows and I couldn't see the driver but the other passengers looked about thirteen. They started shouting at me some pretty mean things that I won't repeat here. It was stupid and obviously they were just learning to cuss, but I couldn't even react. They pulled away, without getting gas, and continued to say things that were quite rude. To be honest, I'm mostly just dissapointed. It's sad that there are people like this. That need to do this for fun, confirmation, whatever. But I spent the whole night doing something that I love and feeling good, feeling like I was the person that I want to be, and they come along and make me feel like crap. Some random stupid guys can come in and make me feel bad, that doesn't seem right.
People need to be aware of the effect of their words. Words are a powerful weapon, a powerful tool, and they need to be used wisely. Words can uplift a person, but they can also bring them to tears. Words, written or spoken, have an impact, and this night, seeing words have such a positive and then negative effect, it really sunk in. I don't know if this isn't taught to people anymore, but it's really sad when people are rude. There is nothing good that comes of it, yet it happens so much.

"The pen is mightier than the sword."-I'm pretty sure this is a famous quote

Theater

I (kind of) recently got back from the CETA(California Educational Theater Association) festival. I met a lot of really cool people, saw some shows and scenes, and went to workshops. Overall it was an amazing weekend, and the focus was the importance of theater in our lives. There was a lot of money given out as scholarships for the arts, and that's such a cool thing that those people are one step closer to being able to follow their dreams. Not everyone there is going to go into theater (onstage, backstage, on-camera, etc), but all of us are involved now. All of us were a part of our schools production and worked with our casts and crews to make the best show we could. Theater really is a wonderful thing. It opens up so many new things to us and teaches us so much.
It teaches us to find new families. In the cast of our fall show, I found new best friends and became closer to old ones. We've all learned how to take a group of strangers and immediately become family. Doing a show with someone forces you to become close to that person because to be in theater you have to be open.
That's another thing it teaches us. To be open and bold. At CETA, you find a whole group of kids that aren't afraid to make funny faces and introduce themselves to people, to get close to someone they don't know in a workshop or scene. People will come up to you and compliment you because judgments are suspended. You can hold up a sign that says applause and everyone will stand up and cheer. It may just seem like an auditorium of weird kids, but it's more than that. It's nice kids, it's kids that are willing to let go and just have fun, at least for the duration of the theater event.
Now theater kids aren't always nice. We have our fair share of drama and gossip, but underneath it almost everyone loves everyone, and we all respect everyone else involved. Most theater kids know what it is to be an outcast, so it acts as a sanctuary to most.
It also teaches people to say goodbye. After a show, that cast can never all be together again in the same circumstances. A new show can start, but that comes with new experiences. People come and go, and it stays similar but never the same. Some people stay for a long time, some you remain friends with forever, some leave and come back again, and some you see only once. At the festival I met a lot of people, and some of them I wish I could be friends with, but it was just the weekend. ow we all get back to our lives. We've learned to say goodbye.
Because theater is love. It comes and it goes, but you can always hold those fond memories. You can't go back to an old love, you can only remember that it was good and be happy that it happened. You can't go back to that show. But you can always keep those experiences, and theater always lives on in our hearts. That's why we're all so passionate. Theater is love, and love is always the best teacher.

“The stage is a magic circle where only the most real things happen, a neutral territory outside the jurisdiction of Fate where stars may be crossed with impunity. A truer and more real place does not exist in all the universe.” 
― P.S. Baber, Cassie Draws the Universe

Alone

Being alone is something we all have to face. We can't all have people around us all the time. But I like being alone. When I'm by myself, I can read, write, or just relax. It can be really nice. Physically being alone isn't that bad, it's feeling alone that can be hard.
Feeling alone is one of those things that's not really addressed. You can be in a crowd of people but feel completely isolated. What makes us feel like that? It's this notion we get when we think that people don't care about us. It's silly most of the time, but in truth, humans like attention. Everyone enjoys being paid attention to at least sometimes. And those times when you start to feel like no ones ever seeking you out, you start to feel like you're really not that close to anyone at all. That's why I like to have multiple people I can talk to. Having close friends you've confided in is really important. Having this person be a significant other is a bad idea. Yes, you should tell them things, but when you break up, you'll need your friends. And if it's just one person, well, people get busy. Open up to people and have multiple friends who you can really talk to about anything. The most important part is making sure you're there for them, too. If they need to vent, you need to have an open ear and a shoulder to cry on. Those relationships work both ways.
When you're feeling alone, sometimes the answer isn't to go crying to someone. Sometimes the answer is to make sure your friends know they can come to you. And know when it's a good time. Maybe you're not feeling too good, but maybe your confidant just got asked out. Probably not the best time. The middle of math class? Not a good time either. It's hard to be told that there is a time and place for you to have your feelings because you don't choose when they come, but that's a part of life. We all have to learn how to best act in a friendship, and the rules will be different for each person.
Now being alone can also be about relationships, not just friends. We can feel alone when we see a picture of our ex with someone new, when we see a random happy couple, when we've been single for a long time, when we just need a hug, or-most sharply-right after we've gotten out of a relationship. I know that when you're with someone, it's really nice to have that person who you can talk to all the time and who is always there for you, giving you constant love. Of course your family should always be there for you and giving you unconditional love, but they're your family. It's a different thing entirely when they had the choice of anyone and they chose you. So yeah, being in a relationship is nice, but it can also be a lot of work. Sometimes when I find myself being alone, I realize that I don't miss anyone in particular or even being in a relationship, I miss that closeness that I've had with people. Which is pointless, because I can easily talk to those people. Just remind your friends that you're there for them and that you care about them, because that doesn't need to be implied. We shouldn't have to feel alone when we have so many people to care about that care about us back.

“The trouble is not really in being alone, it's being lonely. One can be lonely in the midst of a crowd, don't you think?” 
― Christine Feehan, Dark Prince