What do you believe?

Sometimes it doesn't seem real. My life, that is. I pause and I just think, "What am I doing?" In the past couple of days I've come up against a few people or situations in which I'm supposed to know what I believe. And I'll tell them. In that moment, it will be what I believe. But in all honesty, I just don't know. I can go on and on about things, but it will just be a long and complicated way to say that I don't know and I don't have any way to find out. I don't know, and I'm not stopping to think about it. Every once and a while I do, and I come up against the realization that all of this is trivial, but it's also the most important time of my life. It doesn't make sense to me, and I don't stop to try to make sense of it. I don't have the time to figure out what I believe, but I also don't think I have a way to.
When I was younger, I would come up with all these stories about how I thought heaven was, but they were just that-stories. It was how I wanted it to be, but I had no reason to believe that it was really that way. How can anyone be sure? I couldn't take someone else's word for it, and I didn't believe my own imagination could be right. That didn't and doesn't make any sense to me. That's the problem about writing fiction. I write all these stories where the worlds are different and beliefs are different and none of it is real. It makes me question why I should think anything in my life is real. Who's to say that the things I'm just supposed to accept are true are more true than something in a book?
But you see, it doesn't matter. Knowing all the answers will not change the way that I live my life. So I decide not to worry about it. The problem with that is that people ask me what I believe. They have to give me a label. Christian, jewish, atheist, agnostic, something. They can't just leave me unclassified. Because I believe that it is unclassified. There is no answer for me. We simply exist. There might be a reason, there might not, but there is nothing we can or should do about that. We try to ask the universe why, we want it to care about us. We can acknowledge it, and it will acknowledge us, and that is all that needs to happen. You can choose to believe in fate or chance or choice or whatever, but things happen, we live, and that's the way it is. Once I try to not question it, I get questioned, and one day they will understand. One day they will get that it is that simple for me. And we will all move on.

"A man said to the universe: 'Sir, I exist!'
'However,' the universe replied, 'The fact has not created in me a sense of obligation.'"-A Man Said to the Universe by Stephen Crane